Anthropomorphic Art Lover Pillows

"You should meet my wife. You'd like her."

"He wants to know if we've got a more dog-eared copy?"

'Let's go here. They do mice good.'

Toupee shop showcases hairy head covering.

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"I'm a monster."

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

Split the last one?

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"Ooooh. Suave, portly, and financially secure..."

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"No religious nuts!"

"You need a hobby."

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"We grind our own catnip."

"The true story"

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"No, this is the elephant."

'Sometimes he seems almost human, but he's very good at being a dog.'

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

The Itchy Back