Anthropomorphic Humor Gifts

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"She's a miniature."

"Did you just do a rooster?"

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"I'm a monster."

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

Split the last one?

"Ooooh. Suave, portly, and financially secure..."

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

"Oh, that looks fantastic! Honey, doesn’t that look delicious?!"

Alligator Bars

"Then I realised, I was just a child substitute."

"'Cheers'? 'Lorry'? 'Jumper'? You can talk, boy? And you're British??"

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

"We grind our own catnip."

Planet of the Ants

"The true story"

"Please don't go!"

"You need a hobby."

"Estate sale"

"Miss Penny to inquire about the tardiness of evening kibble."

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."