Anthropomorphic Enthusiast Gifts

"Happy birthday! Make a wish and blow out the candles!" "I wish you'd find a man."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

"Hair spray"

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"I'm a monster."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"Ahhh, right there. Right there!"

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

"No religious nuts!"

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"The true story"

"We grind our own catnip."

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"You need a hobby."

"No, this is the elephant."

'Sometimes he seems almost human, but he's very good at being a dog.'

"They're not home.."

The Itchy Back

Les Fleurs Du Mal

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

"Don't even think about it."