Anthropomorphic Aficionado Gifts

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"I'm a monster."

"Hair spray"

'Mom, the donut is drinking my milk!'

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"You know, you're really cool – we should hang out sometime."

Split the last one?

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"Ahhh, right there. Right there!"

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"No religious nuts!"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"You need a hobby."

"We grind our own catnip."

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"Life is pointless."

"The true story"

"No, this is the elephant."

'Sometimes he seems almost human, but he's very good at being a dog.'