Anthropomorphic Humor Fan Gifts

"Boy, the farmers market has really changed."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Did you just do a rooster?"

Boomerang cow.

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

'Mom, the donut is drinking my milk!'

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"I'm a monster."

Franz Kafka

Split the last one?

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

"You know, you're really cool – we should hang out sometime."

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

"Life is pointless."

"You need a hobby."

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"I'm used to embellished resumes, but claiming you can herd cats is a bit far fetched..."

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"The true story"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."