Anthropomorphic Humor Fan Gifts

"Boy, the farmers market has really changed."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Did you just do a rooster?"

Boomerang cow.

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

'Mom, the donut is drinking my milk!'

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"I'm a monster."

Franz Kafka

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

"You know, you're really cool – we should hang out sometime."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"The true story"

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"I'm used to embellished resumes, but claiming you can herd cats is a bit far fetched..."

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"You need a hobby."

"Life is pointless."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

"No, this is the elephant."