Anthropomorphic Humor Lover Gifts

"I've already bonded with that wedge over there."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"I'm a monster."

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

Eugene Ionesco

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"Ooooh. Suave, portly, and financially secure..."

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

"You need a hobby."

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"The true story"

"We grind our own catnip."

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

"No, this is the elephant."

"They're not home.."

"It's a smaller, less destructive nuclear weapon, but it's also a hat."

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"