Anthropomorphic Animal Lover Gifts

"We grind our own catnip."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Meow"

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"I'm a monster."

"I'm not worried about you, Henley. You'll land on your feet."

"Oh, that looks fantastic! Honey, doesn’t that look delicious?!"

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

"The true story"

"Looks like some kind of laser beam. No sign of the murder weapon."

'Aren't you glad we gave her a rabies vaccination this year?'

The Itchy Back

Les Fleurs Du Mal

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

"They're not home.."

She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture...

His worst nightmares had come true.

"Happy birthday! Make a wish and blow out the candles!" "I wish you'd find a man."

"Psst ... it's your bookie."

Ok chaps, let's put this cheap Christmas cracker trumpet through its paces!

Veterinary Surgeon

Dearly beloved...

It's a letter from Romulus and Remus thanking me for feeding them...Now, isn't that sweet...

'Bucks and Does.'

Toupee shop showcases hairy head covering.

Millipede: 'OH, Brother!'

"Blow a condo deal and move back in with the pigs."