Anthropomorphic Animal Lover Gifts

"We grind our own catnip."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Meow"

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"I'm a monster."

"I'm not worried about you, Henley. You'll land on your feet."

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

"Oh, that looks fantastic! Honey, doesn’t that look delicious?!"

"Looks like some kind of laser beam. No sign of the murder weapon."

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"The true story"

'Aren't you glad we gave her a rabies vaccination this year?'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Goes To College

Les Fleurs Du Mal

"They're not home.."

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

The Itchy Back

"He wants to know if we've got a more dog-eared copy?"

She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture...

"Happy birthday! Make a wish and blow out the candles!" "I wish you'd find a man."

His worst nightmares had come true.

Veterinary Surgeon

'Bucks and Does.'

Toupee shop showcases hairy head covering.

"Psst ... it's your bookie."

Ok chaps, let's put this cheap Christmas cracker trumpet through its paces!

Dearly beloved...

It's a letter from Romulus and Remus thanking me for feeding them...Now, isn't that sweet...