Anthropomorphic Humor Lover T-Shirts

"I've already bonded with that wedge over there."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"I'm a monster."

Eugene Ionesco

Split the last one?

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"Ooooh. Suave, portly, and financially secure..."

That's It

"We can't invite the cats and mailman and not invite the squirrels, right?"

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"We grind our own catnip."

"The true story"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"You need a hobby."

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

"No, this is the elephant."

"This isn't a donor heart. It's a tuna on rye."

The Itchy Back

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers