Anthropomorphic Stories Gifts

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"She's a miniature."

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

"Ahhh, right there. Right there!"

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"Ooooh. Suave, portly, and financially secure..."

"Oh, that looks fantastic! Honey, doesn’t that look delicious?!"

Alligator Bars

"Then I realised, I was just a child substitute."

"'Cheers'? 'Lorry'? 'Jumper'? You can talk, boy? And you're British??"

"We grind our own catnip."

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

Planet of the Ants

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Please don't go!"

"Estate sale"

"Miss Penny to inquire about the tardiness of evening kibble."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

Les Fleurs Du Mal

'Yeah, so our parents used to run together... what of it?'

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"