Anthropomorphic Stories Gifts

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

"Yeah, he's cute but don't approach him. He's a service human."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"She's a miniature."

"Did you just do a rooster?"

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

"Ahhh, right there. Right there!"

"Oh, that looks fantastic! Honey, doesn’t that look delicious?!"

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

"Ooooh. Suave, portly, and financially secure..."

Alligator Bars

"Then I realised, I was just a child substitute."

"'Cheers'? 'Lorry'? 'Jumper'? You can talk, boy? And you're British??"

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

"We grind our own catnip."

Planet of the Ants

"Make it look like nine accidents.'

"Miss Penny to inquire about the tardiness of evening kibble."

"Please don't go!"

"Estate sale"

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

Les Fleurs Du Mal

"Don't even think about it."

'Got any cud flavour?'