Loss Of Spouse Gifts

Widow shows a portrait of herself

Hello again, Marlene...they're letting me commute."

'He said he was going shopping for my birthday present...A few house later a policeman came and told me that a dumpster lid fell on him...'

"It made him very happy to know that he was going to die before you could get here."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

"I'm having trouble summoning your deceased wife."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'He was a great writer'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

Postcards from Heaven...

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

'Grief counselling'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

"What? Too soon?"

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"Sorry, wrong room."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."