Death Of A Partner Gifts

"His dying words to me were either 'Do less work' or 'Lose the jerk'."

'He was a great writer'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

Postcards from Heaven...

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

'Grief counselling'

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"What? Too soon?"

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"Sorry, wrong room."

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

404 British military deaths in Afghanistan.

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

Arnold Hazlet and beloved wife Tamira (unless she married that guy across the street)

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

'You were married to him for 40 years. He never once mentioned he was having his head cryogenically frozen?'