Passing Of A Spouse Gifts

Mr. Metcalf's widow finished six under for the day. So did her husband.

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Michael Jackson

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

The Perfect Foil

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"Never marry an engineer."

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

It's January. Do you know where your children are?

"The groceries are in the car."

Old Love

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

Widow shows a portrait of herself

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

"I can see future generations swallowing the 'talking serpent' part, but we need a more plausible forbidden fruit."

'You were married to him for 40 years. He never once mentioned he was having his head cryogenically frozen?'

"The beanbag chair, … do we take it out of the furniture budget or the art budget?"

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

Arnold Hazlet and beloved wife Tamira (unless she married that guy across the street)

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

'He must not have been an easy man to care for. He always had an iron will. Which brings us to what he left you.'

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'