Passing Of A Spouse Gifts

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

The Perfect Foil

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

"Never marry an engineer."

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

Old Love

"The groceries are in the car."

It's January. Do you know where your children are?

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

Widow shows a portrait of herself

"The beanbag chair, … do we take it out of the furniture budget or the art budget?"

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'He must not have been an easy man to care for. He always had an iron will. Which brings us to what he left you.'

'You were married to him for 40 years. He never once mentioned he was having his head cryogenically frozen?'

"I can see future generations swallowing the 'talking serpent' part, but we need a more plausible forbidden fruit."

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

Arnold Hazlet and beloved wife Tamira (unless she married that guy across the street)

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'

"Not another gooseberry bush!"