Passing Away Gifts

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

"Before I go in, just what did Billy Joe McCaluster throw off the Talihatchie bridge?"

'I like the hat.'

'Y'know, I came here long before there was all that modern technology!'

'We just need to make sure you didn't take it with you.'

'No way you're getting in here with THAT mustache!'

'No I'm afraid you don't have the right to one phone call.'

"Ah...a newcomer to Heaven, I see."

"What happened to our clothes..?"

"You've been unfriended."

Michael Jackson

'He was a great writer'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'for more obit info, go to...'

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

Postcards from Heaven...

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

'Grief counselling'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

"You'll get over him."

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

"Sorry, wrong room."

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"What? Too soon?"

"They grow up so fast."