Death Of A Spouse Gifts

"Whatever isn't cigarette butts in there is Harold."

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'

"No, he didn't suffer. That's my only regret."

"We cannot write a life policy for your husband, Mrs. Blaine, because he is already dead. In insurance terms, that is considered a preëxisting condition."

"No, it's my husband that's expired. Is his credit card still good?"

'So he finally died then.'

'You were married to him for 40 years. He never once mentioned he was having his head cryogenically frozen?'

"My husband has just died...Can I still use my credit card"

'He was a great writer'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

Postcards from Heaven...

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'Grief counselling'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"What? Too soon?"

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"Sorry, wrong room."

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."