Losing A Spouse Gifts

"I need to wait until the euphoria wears off before I start dating again."

'This contains Fred's ashes - I was determined to make sure he'd remain useful around the house!'

Crematorium "Excuse me. I believe you have my husband."

'You can die, Louis, but you can't hide.'

It not your relationship that's died, Mr Dickerson. It's your wife

"Roberto, my dear departed husband, why are you here?"

"My husband hated plants and animals..."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'He was a great writer'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

Postcards from Heaven...

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

'Grief counselling'

"Sorry, wrong room."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

"What? Too soon?"