Losing A Spouse Pillows

"I need to wait until the euphoria wears off before I start dating again."

'This contains Fred's ashes - I was determined to make sure he'd remain useful around the house!'

Crematorium "Excuse me. I believe you have my husband."

'You can die, Louis, but you can't hide.'

It not your relationship that's died, Mr Dickerson. It's your wife

"Roberto, my dear departed husband, why are you here?"

"My husband hated plants and animals..."

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'He was a great writer'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

Postcards from Heaven...

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

'Grief counselling'

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"What? Too soon?"

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

"Sorry, wrong room."

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."