Death Of A Partner Pillows

"His dying words to me were either 'Do less work' or 'Lose the jerk'."

'He was a great writer'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

Postcards from Heaven...

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

'Grief counselling'

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

"What? Too soon?"

"Sorry, wrong room."

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

'You were married to him for 40 years. He never once mentioned he was having his head cryogenically frozen?'

Bootmaker upset over the death of a long term customer

404 British military deaths in Afghanistan.

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

Arnold Hazlet and beloved wife Tamira (unless she married that guy across the street)