Husband's Passing Pillows

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Killer Executive Suits.

Larry's used art

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"What's a patent?"

Barbequer wears apron with 'Beer in -beer out' slogan.

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

"Talk nerdy to me."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'