Loss Of Loved One Gifts

"I know what you're going through, dear. I buried my husband last year -? but they found him in time."

Gates of Heaven: 'No its always been purley gates.'

Matchstick Funeral

'My family thinks I'm up here watching over them.'

"I am surprised. She said she wouldn't be caught dead in that dress."

"Would you like to speak to our sorrow sharer?"

"Oh, those are the people who died of coronavirus."

Solemn Seasons

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'He was a great writer'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

'Ol' Pete was an angler to the end.'

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

Postcards from Heaven...

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

'Grief counselling'

"Sorry, wrong room."

"What? Too soon?"

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."