Loner Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm nobody's best friend, I'm an Indie.'

Club Antisocial

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"This isn't working out, Henry...I'm a social butterfly and you're just an annoying little moth!"

'We dreamed of this day and it's finally here... Behold the 'anti-Sandler ray'!'

Do it yourself - Get someone else to do it

"I had to close all my social media accounts. They were making me anti-social."

'OK, my dinner's in the oven. Where's the oven?'

"His teacher says he'll be as famous as Dick Turpin one day."

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

'No man is an island.' 'Try telling Ben Becula that.'

Quiet night? Liven up that game of solitaire with a Mexican wave.

'Isn't it great to learn traditional skills passed down through the ages? Hand me the laser knife, please.'

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

Ned Kelly's (an Australian outlaw) continual problem.

"Have you been here long?"

He had an accident at work-an idea struck him.

The anti-social network: 'In other words, you want to help the internet blow itself up.'

'Don't bother me, Harriet. Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?'

Hank went to his secret spot in the attic for a few minutes away from family.

'... and with the advent of Email, fax machines, cellphones and Blackberry's, more and more executives are working from home.'

'Just because I'm eating alone doesn't mean you should suggest the 'loser' special. But I'll take it.'

Laser Beam Playing Record.

Meet the publisher's entire marketing dept. 2-4pm

"A lot of people say that my absence is my best feature."

'Maybe you should replace the super plantinum-iridium-cadmium batteries in your laser pointer with ordinary alkaline batteries.'

The class was unusually quiet. Gribbins fingered his cane and coughed just once. Chalk-dust or asthma, nobody could tell. What was left of Jimmy Worthington sizzled quietly on the floor in front of the excimer laser...

Castaways Not Welcome

"You unfriended them all - remember?"

'This exercise machine does away with the pretense of a working out. It features a dozen hooks for a hanging clothing.'

"Of course, you've got to expect some side effects with Eye Laser Treatment."

'I know living on an abandoned nuclear test site has its advantages - no bugs, no snakes, no univited guests but did it ever occur to you that there's nothing else here either?'

Jobs that will make you really lonely...

'It's so refreshing to meet someone who doesn't blog.'