Loners With Humor Gifts

Castaways Not Welcome

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

'Your request for a company vehicle has been approved, however, it's not the Cadillac you wanted. Since you need the exercise, you're getting a skateboard.'

"This isn't working out, Henry...I'm a social butterfly and you're just an annoying little moth!"

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

'And don't shrink it in a hot wash.'

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

'No man is an island.' 'Try telling Ben Becula that.'

"Damn kids and their graffiti."

You were great last night

'My name's Jeffrey. Will you be my Valentine?'

Size matters!

Bubblewrap Supplies: Just Popped Out

"A lot of people say that my absence is my best feature."

'Yes, Operator, I'm holding.'

Meet the publisher's entire marketing dept. 2-4pm

Desert Island Cycle Path

"Make sure I’m in your will or pay someone else to shovel the driveway."

'You've lost a step...'

"No single, childless adult with very little family and only one friend can possibly get that many Christmas gifts."

Woman returning from Weight Watchers - ""You're late - did you get detention?"

'I'm nobody's best friend, I'm an Indie.'

'He said he wants to stay there, captain.'

The Nantucket Treatment Center for people pathologically incapable of picking out an even halfway good movie at a video store.

"The Starview carwash is willing to pick up your seven million dollar contract, and they'll pay it our over 194 years."

'You've got a bad attitude, Doug. You need to be quarantined before it spreads and we're forced to destroy the entire team!'

"He keeps himself to himself."

'Oh, man, Russell,,,it really smells like death in here'

'Stop acting lonelier-than-thou.'

"These nicotine patches are great! I can't find my fags anywhere!"