Loner Humorist Gifts

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

Club Antisocial

Atomic Bear: Part 21

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

"Wait ... now I forgot what I was going to bark at you for."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"This isn't working out, Henry...I'm a social butterfly and you're just an annoying little moth!"

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

The Sedentary Dead.

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

'No man is an island.' 'Try telling Ben Becula that.'

Foreclosure.

Quiet night? Liven up that game of solitaire with a Mexican wave.

'Out to Hunch.'

"Oh, no - this introvert talked to me all night at a party, and I can't remember her name."

"Have you been here long?"

'Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake.'

We Hate the Left, Please Don't Leave Us Lefties

Meet the publisher's entire marketing dept. 2-4pm

"Have you seen Joey?"

"A lot of people say that my absence is my best feature."

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."

'Mr. Bosley and I will be busy all afternoon investigating offshore opportunities.'

'I don't care if you hit the office football pool - get back to work!'

Minutes before two sloths collide

"You know, Einstein never watched any great television until after he was forty."

Castaways Not Welcome

"Honestly, Baldo, sometimes you're languid to the point of lethargy. Wouldn't you say you're torpid."