Loner Humorist Pillows

"Or, is it the perfect beach day because there's no one here to p*** us off?"

Club Antisocial

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

"Wait ... now I forgot what I was going to bark at you for."

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"This isn't working out, Henry...I'm a social butterfly and you're just an annoying little moth!"

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

The Sedentary Dead.

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

Foreclosure.

'No man is an island.' 'Try telling Ben Becula that.'

Quiet night? Liven up that game of solitaire with a Mexican wave.

"Oh, no - this introvert talked to me all night at a party, and I can't remember her name."

'Out to Hunch.'

"Have you been here long?"

'Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake.'

"Guess which one I made with a 3-D printer."

Meet the publisher's entire marketing dept. 2-4pm

"Have you seen Joey?"

"A lot of people say that my absence is my best feature."

'I don't care if you hit the office football pool - get back to work!'

'Mr. Bosley and I will be busy all afternoon investigating offshore opportunities.'

"Honestly, Baldo, sometimes you're languid to the point of lethargy. Wouldn't you say you're torpid."

"He's laid up with a bad case of inertia."

'The weather was much to rotten to go to work.'

Castaways Not Welcome

Minutes before two sloths collide