Little Litigator Gifts

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

'Will you raise my allowance? I want to play doctor but can't afford the malpractice insurance.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

Civics Class: Mock Election Today. Oh, no --- Another multiple choice test!

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'My allowance isn't much - but I have a great benefits package!'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

'At first I was grounded, but my lawyer was able to plea bargain it down to 30 minutes in the Time Out Chair.'

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"Another slander suit!"

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

"Two boys from legal to see you."

Boy in toy car talking on phone.

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

It's a picture book. The words aren't called "subtitles."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'I'm not playing with Kevin anymore. He's suing me.'

'Can Bradley come out and litigate?'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

'Take me to your lawyer.'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."