Litigators Gifts

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

Law Firm: "A little litigation is good for the soul."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'We never should have bought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious or arbitrary.'

'What'll it be?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Another slander suit!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'Take me to your lawyer.'

'Can Bradley come out and litigate?'

Law Offices

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

"Congratulations, Counselor. It's a boy and your wife's fine. She just had a little difficulty passing his fin through the birth canal."

Out of Court Settlement

'I'm suing for libel! You've down graded me from being a reliable source to being just a confidential source.'

"I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer to keep them gainfully employed."

"I forget the difference - is this a crocodile or a litigator?"

The Washington Arbitrators