Litigator Gifts

"You look great for someone who's just come through two years of litigation."

"We're introducing a new policy. We call it, 'No Win, No Job'

'How did you know that I'm an attorney?'

Liability lawyer.

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

'Take me to your lawyer.'

'The jury will please disregard the prosecution's charm and magnetic charisma.'

'I could sue you... I just got a paper cut from your business card.'

Out of Court Settlement

'Oh no! I told you not to bring the litigators with you...'

"We should settle outside of court more often."

"This being Casual Friday, anyone have a frivolous lawsuit we can discuss?"

'With these new speed signs keeping traffic moving, we're not getting half the litigation work from accidents that we did before.'

"Congratulations, Counselor. It's a boy and your wife's fine. She just had a little difficulty passing his fin through the birth canal."

'Do you have any experience in wrongful-death cases?'

I've had feedback from litigation...

"Nope, Genies come in lamps. What usually washes ashore is garbage, sewage, medical waste and an occasional litigator."

Sweet Sue/Lawyer

Employees must wash hands after suing.

"I sue others because I am a people person."

"Have you had an accident that was not your fault?"

"The only thing trivial about pursuing this trivial lawsuit is my fee!"

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'We won the battle with the Sue tribe, but we'll be in the courts for years.'

'I want to talk to all the king's lawyers about suing all the king's stone masons who built this wall.'

'Build it, and they will sue.'

'Do you have a plan B if you can't find work as a frivolous suit litigator?'

'Susan, this is my lawyer. He goes with me everywhere in case I have to sue someone.'

Modern Day Bumper Cars

Law Firm of Stonado & Stonato - Personal Injury

"We should clean this up. It's a lawsuit waiting to happen."

'It's been a long time since we laughed one out of here!'

"I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer to keep them gainfully employed."

"Please stop saying 'Arguably' when that is exactly what you are supposed to be doing."

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."