Litigation Dodger Gifts

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Scapegoat of the Year

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"If you miss a payment, we show up and embarrass you in front of your friends."

"I know it's not in our nature, but we really gotta stop charging everything."

Hear me, Graduates!

Financial Advisor. The next time you let your inner child out to play, don't let him play with your credit cards.

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'It will take all my nine lives to pay off my student loans.'

Updated Proverbs. We come into the world with nothing. And leave deeply in debt!

'So, who's first?'

It's an I-O-Ewe.

Kicking The Habit

"Whoops! There go those darned interest rates again!"

'Financial suicide hotline. How may I help you?'

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT

And your repayment period starts...Now!

"So I figure, as long as I stay a student then I can't repay my student loans."

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

You've been extending Randy credit to buy food and drinks? You've no right! That's thousands of dollars. Have you any idea what that … Armstrong? Defibrillator. C'mon, really. It's not that bad. Okay, fine, make a show of it. Defibrillator! And a coroner.

'Money doesn't have wings, feet or wings. My dad says that nevertheless, it disappears with the speed of light.'

Don't laugh, my house is paid for.

Thank You For Not Giving Me Your Views About Brexit

'We had a white Christmas but we'll be in the red until April.'

'Yes, it is last year's hunting license, but I'm only hunting the ones I missed last year.'

FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF, 'It's official, sir - EVERYBODY'S overdrawn!'