Lawful Dodger Gifts

'It's no wonder they caught me. I got sloppy.'

Traffic Court. To be fair, he did pay his ticket.

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Scapegoat of the Year

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

'Yes, it is last year's hunting license, but I'm only hunting the ones I missed last year.'

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

Revenuers will be shot.

'Forget the test Mrs. Winslow. Let's send out for pizza!'

'There's going to be a lot of blame thrown around. Remember to bob and weave.'

'We bought this bolt hole to get away from politicians talking green politics.'

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

'We should try harder to behave. We're wearing a rut in this floor.'

"My teacher wants to talk to you? Wow. What did you do wrong?"

"Yoo-hoo! My husband gets the senior-citizen discount! Yoo-hoo, Officer, yoo-hoo!"

"It's weird... My boss has a freaky way of seeing through my excuses. It's like a sick sense."

'Isn't being self-centred a disability?'

"Your integrity is on the line. Want me to say you're in a meeting?"

Cone of Silence

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

Businesspeople gather in bedroom setting 'They can't regulate us in here.'

"It's so unfair, I'm blamed all the time even though it's never my fault..."

"Do you know how many followers I've got?"

"Maybe we should reschedule. It's bark-to-bark up here and Waze says it's forty minutes to the lazy river."

The mid-state region's salesman of the year avoid another traffic ticket.

"The principal's leaving early today, Phillip, so go to the office now, and you can act up later."

"You'll be informed on a need-to-know-to-take-the-blame basis."

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'