Lawful Dodger Pillows

'It's no wonder they caught me. I got sloppy.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Scapegoat of the Year

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

'Yes, it is last year's hunting license, but I'm only hunting the ones I missed last year.'

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

'Dad said that experience is the best teacher, so I cut school and went to the video arcade.'

Revenuers will be shot.

'There's going to be a lot of blame thrown around. Remember to bob and weave.'

'We bought this bolt hole to get away from politicians talking green politics.'

'Forget the test Mrs. Winslow. Let's send out for pizza!'

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

'We should try harder to behave. We're wearing a rut in this floor.'

"My teacher wants to talk to you? Wow. What did you do wrong?"

'Isn't being self-centred a disability?'

"Yoo-hoo! My husband gets the senior-citizen discount! Yoo-hoo, Officer, yoo-hoo!"

"It's weird... My boss has a freaky way of seeing through my excuses. It's like a sick sense."

"Your integrity is on the line. Want me to say you're in a meeting?"

Cone of Silence

"It's so unfair, I'm blamed all the time even though it's never my fault..."

"Maybe we should reschedule. It's bark-to-bark up here and Waze says it's forty minutes to the lazy river."

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

Businesspeople gather in bedroom setting 'They can't regulate us in here.'

"Do you know how many followers I've got?"

"The principal's leaving early today, Phillip, so go to the office now, and you can act up later."

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."

"You'll be informed on a need-to-know-to-take-the-blame basis."

'It feels oddly familiar.'

I Will Not Text In Class # Mean Teacher