Legal Document Dodger Gifts

"Just two paragraphs from our internet provider's terms and conditions agreement and she was out like a light."

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT

'Yes, it is last year's hunting license, but I'm only hunting the ones I missed last year.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

Put it in writing!

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

Revenuers will be shot.

'Relax - someone will be looking for us...the Inland Revenue...the T V licence people...'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

'I needed some relief from data overload.'

"Singing cowboy AND notary public"

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

"Yes, Peters, it is just legalese. It's all just legalese. We're a law firm."

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

Attorneys at law.

"I buried my doctoral thesis in an unmarked grave. . . because, ultimately, you never know."

Due Diligence Man

"Dora's anxiety has always manifested itself in the 'flight response.'"

'Pinky swear doesn't cut it anymore. My attorney has a few documents for you to sign.'

Dotting I's and crossing T's.

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

'And this is Cunningham. He's our most valuable employee. He writes all of our product disclaimers.'

Businesspeople gather in bedroom setting 'They can't regulate us in here.'

"Baldo, remember our rules! No talking on cell phones during work hours!"

'Remember, McWit. Disclaimers are in the eye of the manipulator.'

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"