Legal Documentation Gifts

Put it in writing!

"Yes, Peters, it is just legalese. It's all just legalese. We're a law firm."

Dotting I's and crossing T's.

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"Singing cowboy AND notary public"

'And this is Cunningham. He's our most valuable employee. He writes all of our product disclaimers.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"Bailiff."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

The Devil's in the detail!

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"They're class action figures."

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

Attorney and killer bee.

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

Attorney Punching Bag

Night Court

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"Looks good to me, but let's run it by the lawyer first, just to see how illegal it actually is."

Nutty Assistants