Legal Writing Gifts

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

Nutty Assistants

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'How fast can you hype?'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Campaign for Plain English

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Torturing the English Language