Legal Gifts

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

"It's for you - it's my lawyer."

'For those with particularly ungrateful children,the inheritance tax can be a comfort.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

Lawyer to client: 'Your slip and fall on ice would have more credibility if you weren't drinking ice tea at the time ... at South Beach.'

'I'm a personal injury attorney. I'll listen.

Jimmy says you're a poopyhead. Do you have a rebuttal?

"They said their contract was too complicated..."

Automatic Arbitration

'These emergency numbers are all for lawyers!'

'What would you charge me to answer one question?' 'What's your second question?'

'Twenty years? -- is there anything I can do for extra credit?'

'No, I really don't know how much I'm worth - but I'm sure my wife's divorce lawyer does.'

Walter P. Bernbeam: Fornicator - Wastrel - Lush

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

"How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Sometimes it works in my favor. I got off jury duty."

"I bill four hundred dollars an hour and I don't believe you'd be comfortable paying anything less."

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

"We've found reasons to appeal. It appears you still have some money left"

"The conditions of this parole are tough. Based on this, I would be afraid to even have bad cholesterol."

'The glass is half-full divorce lawyers, , , The glass is empty bankruptcy attorneys,'

The contract culture

'To be fair, I didn't say I was good, I said I was expensive.'

'You knew I was a lawyer when you hired me.'

Hey get this - Ralph here was a lawyer!

A difficult position.

'My lawyer recommended posting the sign after the Dumpty incident.'

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

7 days to pay legal fees please help