Legal Issues Gifts

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

'It's a copyright thing.'

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'It's the Executor of my Grandfathers will - I've been cut off without a scent.'

Rumour and speculation at work.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'We've laid off our entire legal department since we've gone with the honesty is the best policy approach.'

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

You're being sued for false advertising.

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'I'm looking for a temp job to fill the gap between my indictment and incarceration.'

Filing for Divorce.

How much do you charge to answer a question?

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'No one stole your act - and he won't appreciate being accused of doing so when he's not here to defend himself.'

'I'd like to put this tongue depressor in your mouth. Will you please sign the waiver?'

'Don't try ordering in French! The last time, the waitress sued you for breach of Promise.'

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

'Suing the fast food industry didn't work, I'm still fat'

Today, Human Rights Watch sued a man named Santa Claus for discrimination against his employees by calling them 'dwarfs'.

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

'He's been unbearable since he took the IRS to court and beat them.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'My client is suing to protect his bad name.'

"If somebody stole my identity, would I still be legally married?"

"It's good to see you and Carl talking again, even if it's just through your lawyers."

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

Keystone XL

"Isn't that funny? I can't remember where I hid the hidden assets."

"He's not keen on health and safety issues . . . he's a personal injury lawyer."

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"