Legal Concerns Gifts

"We don't want you inviting friends over to play. There are liability issues."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Bailiff."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"They're class action figures."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Words that can result in employee litigation box.

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

Justice

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'