Legal Trouble Gifts

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

"I pronounce you guilty as charged and wife."

"I'M your one call from County Lockup? Ohhhh Lenny."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Bailiff."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"They're class action figures."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Another slander suit!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

Justice

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."