Unexpected Legal Trouble Gifts

"Hi sweetie. WIll you tell daddy that mommy's girls' trip got a bit out of hand."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Another slander suit!"

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

"She left everything to you. But, the hamster is contesting the will."

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

Keystone XL

"I pronounce you guilty as charged and wife."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

'Nothing cements the relationship like the chance to get it in writing.'

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

'I'm recusing myself from this case.'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

'But you told me to try and look innocent.'