Unexpected Legal Trouble Gifts

"Hi sweetie. WIll you tell daddy that mommy's girls' trip got a bit out of hand."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Another slander suit!"

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"She left everything to you. But, the hamster is contesting the will."

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Keystone XL

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

'Nothing cements the relationship like the chance to get it in writing.'

"I pronounce you guilty as charged and wife."

"We the jury find that the murder was committed by Colonel Mustard, in the library, with the candlestick!"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

'I'm recusing myself from this case.'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

'But you told me to try and look innocent.'