Dealing With Legal Issues Gifts

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Justice

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I think you, too, are a very scary young lawyer."

Keystone XL

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

'In a complex court settlement, our parent company gets custody of us on the weekends.'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"