Legal Discussions Gifts

"Interesting. Have your lawyer call my lawyer."

'Son, I want to talk to you about the birds, the bees, and the attorney client privilege.'

"Oops. I aggravated an old arbitration injury."

'Really? You're in here for THAT? - That was legalized YEARS ago!'

I tripped just now over by your bathroom. If I took this to court, I could get six figures. But I'll settle out of court for a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts. We just had a huge earthquake. If you fell, it was probably because of that. You guys failed to think ahead and put in bouncy floors. Get out.

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'This HS2 brief is the kind of work I live for!'

The Uber Wedding Planner: 'Ok, we're almost there...we just need a clarification on the whether the 'till death do us part' clause is meant literally or figuratively.'

'I had hoped to keep the lawyers out of this.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'He started it!'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Spelling a newspaper

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Keystone XL

'Nothing cements the relationship like the chance to get it in writing.'

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'