Legal Discussion Gifts

"I'm suing you for false advertising."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"No es problema para mi si no es problema para ti."

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'He started it!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

"Sorry, I don't have an opinion - just in case I get vilified on social media. . ."

"It's time we have a talk about the alternate facts of life.

Keystone XL

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"