Legal Dialogue Aficionados Gifts

"Kids and grand kids squared away forever ago. All set with money. No energy for a whole court thing. So-o-o... maybe you just die?" "Whatever makes you happy, sweet cheeks."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Wal-Mart Ruling

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"You don't have to answer that."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

Under What Circumstances Would You Change Your Mind?

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

The Uber Wedding Planner: 'Ok, we're almost there...we just need a clarification on the whether the 'till death do us part' clause is meant literally or figuratively.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

Overruled

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

'I think you are over-reacting Mr. Brown. You were charged a mandatory basic parking fine. I don't think we need to talk about taking your case to the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg.'

'This HS2 brief is the kind of work I live for!'

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

Bankruptcy Attorneys: "If you ain't broke, we can fix it."

"I can watch more 'Law & Order' than any man in this bar."

Where legal teams but their outfits.

'... and I sentence you to three years appearing in reality TV shows.'

I tripped just now over by your bathroom. If I took this to court, I could get six figures. But I'll settle out of court for a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts. We just had a huge earthquake. If you fell, it was probably because of that. You guys failed to think ahead and put in bouncy floors. Get out.

"Truth is not truth."

"You're not allowed to plead 'no contest'."

'Going public? That's the lawsuit-filled, media scrutinized period between being private and going private.'

'Our plea will be innocent by reason of insanity.'

'I want the jury to completly disregard counsel's back flip.'

Judge Duels

"I'm suing you for false advertising."