Legal Debates Enthusiast Gifts

Et Tu, God?

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'...Next election voters will have a choice of democrat, republican and 'generic'.'

'Steve says that he doesn't understand why the liberals are so glum! They already have a majority.'

"Did Melina Mercouri ever get those marbles back to Greece?"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

Bigot Spigot

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

Who's the Rogue State?

"No offence Jon, but..."

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

Abdullah Debate

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Under What Circumstances Would You Change Your Mind?

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

G.O.P. Hatchet Man.

'It's a shame, he has MASSES of experience.'

"I'M your one call from County Lockup? Ohhhh Lenny."

If Bush Had Told Us the Truth After 9/11

Mitt Romney: Double Guantánamo

Robin Day.

Ethics committee - 'All right - who stole my gavel?'