Debating Legal Scenarios Gifts

"Just out of curiosity, are you with organized crime or are you an independent?"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'He started it!'

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

Keystone XL

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Under What Circumstances Would You Change Your Mind?

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

'Nothing cements the relationship like the chance to get it in writing.'

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'I'm a doctor... This man needs someone who can grant me immunity from liability, and FAST!'

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

The Gayhorns

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

The Uber Wedding Planner: 'Ok, we're almost there...we just need a clarification on the whether the 'till death do us part' clause is meant literally or figuratively.'

"Bugger, some whistleblower has blabbed about how much we spent to stop whistleblowers blabbing about..."

'What's all this pet's rights stuff addressed to you?'

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"I'M your one call from County Lockup? Ohhhh Lenny."

'We are no longer called criminals! We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'