Legal Field Gifts

"On second thought, let's go with my full name, Susan C. Fast."

Chase me, chase me cows.

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Bailiff."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

Planet of the Lawyers

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"They're class action figures."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

Justice

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'