Legal Fan Gifts

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Not guilty?"

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

Antonin Scalia

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

'I was afraid cameras in the court would lead to this.'

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

The People versus McGinley gets acrimonious.

"Oh sure, some random monster runs amok through the village, and the first person you pull in for questioning is my client!"

Man behind desk has glass case with Lawyer Repellant

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

'A surgeon operated on the wrong side of the operating room, and is being charged with medical feng shui malpractice.'

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"So Mr. Garvin asked, did we all have an understanding in writing? And I said, maybe we can talk about that."

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'