Legal Fans Gifts

Wal-Mart Ruling

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

"Not guilty?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

'I was afraid cameras in the court would lead to this.'

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

The People versus McGinley gets acrimonious.

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

"Oh sure, some random monster runs amok through the village, and the first person you pull in for questioning is my client!"

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

'A surgeon operated on the wrong side of the operating room, and is being charged with medical feng shui malpractice.'

'Drop it! Drop the Lawsuit!'

'The medical society says yes, the hospital says maybe and his lawyer says no.'

"Yes, Your Honor, I'm Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

'That's it! No more cameras in the courtroom!'

Forget the chart, we got a real problem, the shredder's broken!

'Screw up and take out a canine and it's gonna be Subpoena City.'

"Got outta jury duty!"