Humoristic Legal Fan Gifts

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

Antonin Scalia

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Baby's first words.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'