Legal Show Fan Gifts

'I was afraid cameras in the court would lead to this.'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Not guilty?"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

Antonin Scalia

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'