Legal Show Fan Gifts

'I was afraid cameras in the court would lead to this.'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Not guilty?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

Antonin Scalia

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

What really became of the boy named Sue.

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'