Lover Of Legal Shows Gifts

"He's showboating. Don't let it get to you."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"You don't have to answer that."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

'I was afraid cameras in the court would lead to this.'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- You lifted that alibi from a September, 1958 episode of 'Perry Mason!'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

The secret to longevity is good genes, good diet, a good lawyer and witnesses with weak eyesight and poor memories.

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'How do you expect me to concentrate when you're reading me my rights?'

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

'Objection, Your Honor...council is badgering the witness.'

'It's a shame, he has MASSES of experience.'

"Wait, what if we convinced the jury that, while they're wasting their time with me, the real Socrates is still at large?"