Legal Language Gifts

"As your client has expressed a degree of remorse, this case is hereby dismissed. Now get your sorry ass out of here."

Attorney's desk bins: Quid Quo Pro? Quo Pro Quid? Pro Quid Quo? Whatever.

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Bailiff."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"They're class action figures."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

Words that can result in employee litigation box.

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

'You have the right to remain silent and to the counsel of a motivational speaker.'

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

Attorney and killer bee.

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

'I'll accept two potions of white crystalline sucrose in final settlement.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

On second thought, your honor

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

Night Court