Legal Language Gifts

"As your client has expressed a degree of remorse, this case is hereby dismissed. Now get your sorry ass out of here."

Attorney's desk bins: Quid Quo Pro? Quo Pro Quid? Pro Quid Quo? Whatever.

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Bailiff."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Words that can result in employee litigation box.

"They're class action figures."

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

Lawyer sees street sign: Parallel Paralegal Parking.

'You have the right to remain silent and to the counsel of a motivational speaker.'

'I'll accept two potions of white crystalline sucrose in final settlement.'

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

Attorney and killer bee.

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

Attorney Punching Bag

Childhood can be tough when your dad is a lawyer...

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'